4.2 - When I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself

For most activities, companionship is appreciated—especially when those activities include any kind of work. Construction projects just go better with help.

Games like Apples-to-Apples or volleyball generally work better with more people than just me. Even tic-tac-toe isn't much fun by myself.

Assuming your friends aren't the talking-through-the-show-and-asking-dumb-questions-because-they-are-talking-instead-of-listenting type, watching a movie or television is generally much better as a shared experience. Sitting down to a meal with family and friends is almost always better than dining alone.

It should be clear that I'm not anti-social. (I'm not necessarily pro-social, either—I'm pretty much neutral on the topic.) Shared experiences are often wonderful, but when I'm involved in an activity that is not one of those shared experiences, I want to be left alone.

The reason for this is that it has become very obvious to me that others do not value the same things that I value. The difference between "He's busy" and "He's not doing anything" is who you ask and what they value more highly than whatever it is you are doing.

The common misconception that "he's not doing anything" is why in order to do things I want to do, I have to do them when there's no one around.

I completely understand that there are situations (e.g. friend in crisis) where just about everything you could possibly be doing is "not doing anything." Likewise there are situations where just trying to come up with something to do would be considered "busy."

Here's a quiz. Imagine a person performing each activity listed below. For each activity decide whether the person is "Busy" or "Not doing anything."

• Adding a room on to the house
  
• Installing a new bathroom sink
  
• Mowing the lawn
  
• Doing dishes
  
• Organizing a bookshelf
  
  
• Reading the Bible
  
• Reading a novel
  
• Reading a magazine
  
• Reading the newspaper
  
• Reading the mail
  
  
• Playing organized sports
  
• Playing disorganized sports
  
• Playing board games
  
• Playing cards
  
• Playing video games
  
  
• Watching a movie on TV
  
• Watching a sitcom or drama on TV
  
• Watching a ballgame on TV
  
• Watching gameshows on TV
  
• Watching poker on TV
  
  
• Updating an organizational website
  
• Shopping online
  
• Blogging
  
• Checking email
  
• Surfing the 'net
  
  
• Sleeping in bed (3AM)
  
• Sleeping in bed (8AM)
  
• Sleeping on the couch (3PM)
  
• Sitting on the couch - deep in thought
  
• Standing by the couch proclaiming boredom

Ok, well, I had this really nifty scoring system worked out, but it got lost in an untimely switch between compose mode and html mode and I'm not going to redo it. Basically, the number of "busy" answers puts you on a scale from "slave driver" (<12) to "highly respectful of the time and values of others" (29). 25 doesn't seem to be an unreasonable score. You could probably get down to about 18 without being a complete tyrant.

Additionally, you can do a comparison of your answers to the answers of someone whose activities you want to thwart. This will facilitate discussion, understanding, and arguments.

I generally have no interest in thwarting anything, so long as it doesn't affect me. I am just not very comfortable making value judgements regarding the activities of others. I always get it wrong. I really think that most of the time it's just none of my business.

Let them do what they want. I'm busy, the World Poker Tour is on.